My Broken Heart

I'm going to let you in on some secrets of mine!

I am so bitter because I compare myself to others...sometimes I ask myself what if.

What if I would of ignored all of the signs that you were cheating on me, accepted the fact that you came clean, apologized, and pursued a future with you...would she would of had your son?

What if I didn't sit back and waited for you to come home, wouldn't had taken the morning after pill, would I had been baby mama #1 or #2, would I be your Mrs.'s now having another child of yours?

What if I never moved in with you, how long would it had taken me to see the real person that you are, would you ever have had the chance to corrupt me and verbally abuse me?

What if I hadn't became so hypnotized with the opportunity, didn't allow myself to be pursued, would I never have fallen for you, accepting the fact that you belonged to someone else, but was determined to win you all to myself?

What if I would have put my foot down and said that if I'm your dirty little secret then I'm not yours at all, would I have been so generous, so naive, and so sympathetic about your lost?

Now back to my first what if...

What if I would have let the past stay in the past, would I have you as my stalker in the present, would I be walking on eggshells with considering and not considering dating men with children, and let alone wondering if the next man in my life knows you?

What if I wouldn't have been influenced by my family, stuck to my standards, continued to be single, not allowing the game to make me so horny that I gave in too early, would our experience would have different?

What if I would of never been accepted into that school, we would have never met, I would have never experienced life with you, I would have never traveled to a beautiful island, and I would not be going through this withdraw?

Its so easy to tell someone to move on, forget about him, and that there's other men out there. But the fact of the matter is; people need to cry, people need to vent, and people need to morn the lost of relationship...its makes them stronger.

With each relationship that has gone wrong, I feel as though they took a piece of my heart. I don't ever want to love on the level that I have before; it drains me: my mind, my body, and my wallet.

Its wrong to say, but I'd asked God to bless me with a man who's going to love me more than I love him so that when and if he should ever hurt me, it won't break me since I've been down so many times before.