What did I do wrong that I do not deserve a man who will accept me for me?
What did I do wrong that I do not deserve a man who will love unconditionally?
What did I do wrong that I do not deserve a man to start a family with?
What did I do wrong that I do not deserve…?
My heart is not a revolving door, nor is my female counterparts.
You cannot call me or text me wanting to pick up where we left off.
My life is not a fairy tale; prince charming has not swept me off my feet.
So I ask this question…why do men from my past continue to resurface?
I do not believe that people change; if they did it once than they will do it again.
Men are so smooth, they know just what to say to get you to wear the dummy hat again.
But I refuse to be played for a fool, I refuse to be the other, and I refuse to wait on you.
My eyes are open, but not my heart!
I am 29 years old now, how old will I be when happiness has found me because my heart is not a revolving door.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Hypotized
What if I hadn't became so hypnotized with the opportunity, didn't allow myself to be pursued, would I never have fallen for you, accepting the fact that you belonged to someone else, but was determined to win you all to myself...remember him?
On the start of the New Year, I deleted numbers from my phone of people I hadn't heard from. On Valentine's Day, I received a text from a number that didn't register in my phone; I didn't respond and I didn't delete it either. I figured sooner or later that someone would reach out to me again.
Well, my assumption was right...last night my phone rang, and as soon as the guy said hello, I knew who it was.
This guy had me in a place that I was so hypnotized with every word he said. The relationship between him and I; I compare to married men and mistresses...I was his mistress minus the marriage, who'd thought that eventually we would be together. Eventually is now here; 2010, and I am positive that I am not interested.
Time and time again, I allowed myself to be stood up, put on the back burner, given the short end of the stick, etc; but not just by him...numerous of men. He informed me that things have changed in his life, that he wanted for us to work on us, and that he has never stopped thinking about me.
My response to that was: I'm working on me, working on forgiving/forgetting the men of my past, and allowing me to welcome the man that God has created for me to enter my life. And his response was: I am the man that God has created for you; he has changed me and he's not done changing me...all I'm asking for is for you to give us a chance.
No Way/No How!
On the start of the New Year, I deleted numbers from my phone of people I hadn't heard from. On Valentine's Day, I received a text from a number that didn't register in my phone; I didn't respond and I didn't delete it either. I figured sooner or later that someone would reach out to me again.
Well, my assumption was right...last night my phone rang, and as soon as the guy said hello, I knew who it was.
This guy had me in a place that I was so hypnotized with every word he said. The relationship between him and I; I compare to married men and mistresses...I was his mistress minus the marriage, who'd thought that eventually we would be together. Eventually is now here; 2010, and I am positive that I am not interested.
Time and time again, I allowed myself to be stood up, put on the back burner, given the short end of the stick, etc; but not just by him...numerous of men. He informed me that things have changed in his life, that he wanted for us to work on us, and that he has never stopped thinking about me.
My response to that was: I'm working on me, working on forgiving/forgetting the men of my past, and allowing me to welcome the man that God has created for me to enter my life. And his response was: I am the man that God has created for you; he has changed me and he's not done changing me...all I'm asking for is for you to give us a chance.
No Way/No How!
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
My Broken Heart
I'm going to let you in on some secrets of mine!
I am so bitter because I compare myself to others...sometimes I ask myself what if.
What if I would of ignored all of the signs that you were cheating on me, accepted the fact that you came clean, apologized, and pursued a future with you...would she would of had your son?
What if I didn't sit back and waited for you to come home, wouldn't had taken the morning after pill, would I had been baby mama #1 or #2, would I be your Mrs.'s now having another child of yours?
What if I never moved in with you, how long would it had taken me to see the real person that you are, would you ever have had the chance to corrupt me and verbally abuse me?
What if I hadn't became so hypnotized with the opportunity, didn't allow myself to be pursued, would I never have fallen for you, accepting the fact that you belonged to someone else, but was determined to win you all to myself?
What if I would have put my foot down and said that if I'm your dirty little secret then I'm not yours at all, would I have been so generous, so naive, and so sympathetic about your lost?
Now back to my first what if...
What if I would have let the past stay in the past, would I have you as my stalker in the present, would I be walking on eggshells with considering and not considering dating men with children, and let alone wondering if the next man in my life knows you?
What if I wouldn't have been influenced by my family, stuck to my standards, continued to be single, not allowing the game to make me so horny that I gave in too early, would our experience would have different?
What if I would of never been accepted into that school, we would have never met, I would have never experienced life with you, I would have never traveled to a beautiful island, and I would not be going through this withdraw?
Its so easy to tell someone to move on, forget about him, and that there's other men out there. But the fact of the matter is; people need to cry, people need to vent, and people need to morn the lost of relationship...its makes them stronger.
With each relationship that has gone wrong, I feel as though they took a piece of my heart. I don't ever want to love on the level that I have before; it drains me: my mind, my body, and my wallet.
Its wrong to say, but I'd asked God to bless me with a man who's going to love me more than I love him so that when and if he should ever hurt me, it won't break me since I've been down so many times before.
I am so bitter because I compare myself to others...sometimes I ask myself what if.
What if I would of ignored all of the signs that you were cheating on me, accepted the fact that you came clean, apologized, and pursued a future with you...would she would of had your son?
What if I didn't sit back and waited for you to come home, wouldn't had taken the morning after pill, would I had been baby mama #1 or #2, would I be your Mrs.'s now having another child of yours?
What if I never moved in with you, how long would it had taken me to see the real person that you are, would you ever have had the chance to corrupt me and verbally abuse me?
What if I hadn't became so hypnotized with the opportunity, didn't allow myself to be pursued, would I never have fallen for you, accepting the fact that you belonged to someone else, but was determined to win you all to myself?
What if I would have put my foot down and said that if I'm your dirty little secret then I'm not yours at all, would I have been so generous, so naive, and so sympathetic about your lost?
Now back to my first what if...
What if I would have let the past stay in the past, would I have you as my stalker in the present, would I be walking on eggshells with considering and not considering dating men with children, and let alone wondering if the next man in my life knows you?
What if I wouldn't have been influenced by my family, stuck to my standards, continued to be single, not allowing the game to make me so horny that I gave in too early, would our experience would have different?
What if I would of never been accepted into that school, we would have never met, I would have never experienced life with you, I would have never traveled to a beautiful island, and I would not be going through this withdraw?
Its so easy to tell someone to move on, forget about him, and that there's other men out there. But the fact of the matter is; people need to cry, people need to vent, and people need to morn the lost of relationship...its makes them stronger.
With each relationship that has gone wrong, I feel as though they took a piece of my heart. I don't ever want to love on the level that I have before; it drains me: my mind, my body, and my wallet.
Its wrong to say, but I'd asked God to bless me with a man who's going to love me more than I love him so that when and if he should ever hurt me, it won't break me since I've been down so many times before.
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