You Talk To Much

At my old job, typically around this season I would not be busy; however, management made sure that they found you work to do. Needless to say, it is quite the opposite at my new job. Lately whenever I come in to work, I have been surfing the university's website trying to keep myself busy.

Yesterday my boss called out sick; she said that she was feeling under the weather, tired, and that she had a sore throat. In her absense, the coordinator for HR called suggestioning that we handle contacting the candidates that interviewed for this position. I informed the coordinator that we were already on the job; that I drafted a denial letter and that I was waiting on feedback from my boss. Well today while my boss was conversing with another program director, the HR coordinator called in regards to two additional matters. When my boss became available, I updated her on the messages from today, in addition to the message from yesterday. She laughed while I was delivering the message and then stated that I talked to much.

During multiple encounters with my boss; her verbal abuse towards me, she has always stated that I have to watch my non-verbals and that my non-verbals disclose my feelings. Realizing that my non-verbals were demonstrating that I was feeling attacked, she asked me to tell her exactly what the coordinator from HR said to me yesterday. I repeated verbatum. Noticing that I was not dismissing the matter, she shook her head and asked me why do I think she feels that I talk to much. I replied, why would you say such a thing to me and that her delivery was unprofessional, but I guess I should take the abuse as a grain of salt because it is making me perform better. She took a deep breath and apologized and said that things are transitioning here; we are being given multiple responsibilities that in the past, HR has handled. Moreover, she is stressed about several work matters that pertains to our department. I replied ok and that I accept her apology; I only said that because I wanted to move on, more so get away from her. Upon leaving her office, she gave me the green light on which denial letter to forward to HR for approval.

Who Am I

A lot of people have an influencing hand on who we become in the world. I often ask myself who am I. I am one out of five; born a twin, and clueless on what my purpose is in this world. I never dreamed of becoming an actress, a dance, etc. as some people do. Nor did I ever dream of becoming a teacher, a lawyer, etc. I had a pipe dream of becoming a stylist and doing such in Philadelphia, PA. I am now 32 years old and needless to say, I have given up on that dream. Currently, I work as an Administrative Assistant at a university and will remain in this position until I can figure out what my next move is.

I have always heard growing up that you can only blame yourself for your short comings, but the most famous saying was that my future was already determined. Why can't we pick who we want to become as an adult? Uh hello, you can. Every day it is a different story with what I want to do with my life. Some days, I'm sobbing about not having a glamorous lifestyle and other days I am content. Is it wrong to be a confused individual? I say that I am confused; however, whatever I am doing, I strive to be perfect at it. At my current employment, my boss stated that somethng must be wrong with me since I strive to be so perfect. Now was I wrong for commenting on the matter; at first my perfection was a compliment, but now she's implying that it is a hindrance.

My boss gave me a journal and on the front of the journal it stated "think, stay calm, and relax". When she presented this journal to me, she informed me that it was given to me so that I can jot down my thoughts before I reacted upon them. Moreover, so that I will not go running to Human Resources every time Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde resurfaced. Since the altercation with my boss, she has sensed that I question her professionalism and it was present when I had my 90 day review...my boss stated that I was to emotional, that I strive to be perfect, and that I do not take responsibility for HER mistakes when she takes responsibility for my mistatkes. FYI, I am the new employee verses her; she has been employed at this university longer than I so if I do something wrong and I was advised such by her, she ought to take responsibility, not me. In one week, I will have been employed here for 120 days and I was not approached yet with the corrected version; a more professional review.

Until the day comes...