Who Am I

A lot of people have an influencing hand on who we become in the world. I often ask myself who am I. I am one out of five; born a twin, and clueless on what my purpose is in this world. I never dreamed of becoming an actress, a dance, etc. as some people do. Nor did I ever dream of becoming a teacher, a lawyer, etc. I had a pipe dream of becoming a stylist and doing such in Philadelphia, PA. I am now 32 years old and needless to say, I have given up on that dream. Currently, I work as an Administrative Assistant at a university and will remain in this position until I can figure out what my next move is.

I have always heard growing up that you can only blame yourself for your short comings, but the most famous saying was that my future was already determined. Why can't we pick who we want to become as an adult? Uh hello, you can. Every day it is a different story with what I want to do with my life. Some days, I'm sobbing about not having a glamorous lifestyle and other days I am content. Is it wrong to be a confused individual? I say that I am confused; however, whatever I am doing, I strive to be perfect at it. At my current employment, my boss stated that somethng must be wrong with me since I strive to be so perfect. Now was I wrong for commenting on the matter; at first my perfection was a compliment, but now she's implying that it is a hindrance.

My boss gave me a journal and on the front of the journal it stated "think, stay calm, and relax". When she presented this journal to me, she informed me that it was given to me so that I can jot down my thoughts before I reacted upon them. Moreover, so that I will not go running to Human Resources every time Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde resurfaced. Since the altercation with my boss, she has sensed that I question her professionalism and it was present when I had my 90 day review...my boss stated that I was to emotional, that I strive to be perfect, and that I do not take responsibility for HER mistakes when she takes responsibility for my mistatkes. FYI, I am the new employee verses her; she has been employed at this university longer than I so if I do something wrong and I was advised such by her, she ought to take responsibility, not me. In one week, I will have been employed here for 120 days and I was not approached yet with the corrected version; a more professional review.

Until the day comes...